Hurting all over

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
'You have to help me doc, I hurt all over', said the woman.
'What do you mean, all over?' asked the doctor. 'Can you be more specific?'
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, 'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe, 'Ow, even THAT hurts', she cried.
So the doctor examined her all over and finally discovered what was wrong... 'You've got a broken finger!' he said. 

The perils of surgery

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God she asked 'Is my time up?' God answered, 'No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'
On recovery, the woman decided to stay in hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She also changed her hair color. She figured she may as well enjoy the extra time she had to live.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street, she was hit by a car and died immediately.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'You said I had another 40 years. Why didn't you pull me out from in front of the car?' 

God replied, 'I didn't recognise you.'